Content warning: Options for dealing with an unplanned pregnancy are discussed in this chapter. Opinions expressed by the characters may be difficult for some readers.
-----
"I don't know how I could have been more clear that moving to the middle of nowhere and having a baby was not a lifestyle I want," Shaun said angrily. "If you decide to keep the baby, that's not going to change my mind. I'm sorry, Rukiya, but I don't know what you were expecting."
"Some support would have been nice," Rukiya snapped back, wiping tears from her eyes. "It took both of us to make this mistake."
Both of them were quiet for a moment. Shaun eventually broke the silence.
"I can come pick you up and take you to a clinic whenever you need me to," he said softly.
"Thanks," Rukiya sniffed. "I'd appreciate that."
"And I can stay with you while you recover," he added. "I'll ask when I can get some time off work."
"What do you mean recovery?" Rukiya asked, anger bubbling back to the surface. "I didn't say I'm getting an abortion, Shaun..."
"No, yeah, I know," he sputtered.
"I thought you meant like doctor's appointments," Rukiya spoke so quietly Shaun could barely hear her, but she knew she'd burst into tears if she spoke any louder. "You really want me to just 'get rid of it.'" She took a shuddering breath, trying to hold back the tears a little longer. "Like our baby is just something to throw away..."
"Rukiya..." Shaun trailed off. He didn't know what to say.
More tears broke free and rolled down Rukiya's cheeks. She couldn't believe she'd been in love with a man who could so easily give up on a potential child. She had nothing against people who had to make the difficult decision to give up their babies, whether through abortion or adoption, but it was another thing to so quickly - almost carelessly - act as though that were the only option. She thought maybe it was because he was a man and didn't feel it was as complicated as a woman might since he couldn't have a baby inside of him, but she didn't really care if that was true. The baby belonged to them both, and she didn't think she would be able to give up her child when she had the resources to give them a good life. She had a home, somewhat regular income, friends nearby who were practically family... would having a child now really be such a bad thing?
"I don't think I can give up this baby," Rukiya finally managed to say.
Shaun sat with that information for a moment, but his answer hadn't changed. "I don't even know if I want a kid, ever," he admitted with a sigh. "But I definitely don't want one now... I'm sorry Rukiya. If you keep it, you can't expect me to move out there and become a dad or whatever."
Rukiya felt her face warm with anger. "So even if I'm raising our baby, you wouldn't care about being in their life?"
Shaun sighed deeply. Rukiya paced as she waited for a response that never came. She scoffed.
"Fine," she said sharply. "Bye, Shaun."
She hung up as her anger and sadness and shock overwhelmed her. Shaun called her back, but she didn't pick up. She sobbed, alone and exhausted. What was she going to do, she wondered? What was she supposed to do?
-----
Rukiya had been ignoring Shaun's calls for two more days until he gave up trying to reach her. He'd only left two voice-mail messages: one the night they talked, saying he hoped she was okay and 'maybe he could support her or something if she was keeping it;' and another after his last attempt to reach her, but this time he sounded frustrated and annoyed that Rukiya didn't agree with his "solution to this problem." She still ultimately preferred if Shaun were in their child's life, but she wasn't as sad anymore that he wasn't eager to be involved. She barely cared that they essentially broke up. She was furious about his reaction and wanted nothing to do with him right now. She knew in her gut that she couldn't give up her baby. Maybe if she were younger, at a less stable place in her life, or if there were health concerns, but as it was, she couldn't see a reason to do that.
Rukiya had a decent crop that year, though it was much smaller than any she'd helped with at the Tevellyns'. She also took advantage of the Community Garden, though, which gave her some extra harvests to sell and seeds to plant back on her own land. In her spare time, she enjoyed painting again. It had been years since she'd really focused on it more like a skill than just for fun, and she enjoyed it. The only downside was that painting often made her think about Emery. She hoped Emery was doing well in France, and was sad that they hadn't been in touch. On the other hand, not talking to her did mean she didn't have to admit how wrong she was about Shaun and prevented Emery from feeling obligated to help because of any romantic feelings that might still be there.
Rukiya did tell Bridget about her pregnancy and that things fell apart with Shaun. As expected, Bridget comforted her and offered to help with anything Rukiya might need. She was very grateful to have such a good friend here. Then again, if she didn't she likely would have moved to Bridgeport and her entire life would be very different. Maybe she wouldn't be facing such a difficult situation.
-----
Rukiya asked Bridget what day Emery would be coming back from France and decided to visit right away. She wanted to give Emery the news in person before she could hear it from the rest of her family, and hopefully clear the air between them so she'd have another good friend by her side through the challenging times ahead. She forgot to consider that Emery would be jet-lagged, tired and possibly cranky from the journey home, and immediately felt guilty when she saw Emery open her door. She looked exhausted and irritated until she noticed Rukiya's growing stomach and her expression changed to complete shock.
Rukiya smiled. "I know," she said softly. "I have some news... May I come in?"
Emery nodded in a stunned silence and motioned Rukiya through the door. They went up to Emery's balcony, where Rukiya explained that she'd broken up with Shaun but was keeping their baby.
"I wanted you to hear it from me," she concluded. "Sorry, I forgot you'd be tired from the plane."
"That's okay," Emery said. "I feel bad that I didn't call to see how you were doing. It must've been hard these last few months."
"It was, but you shouldn't feel bad. You were on an adventure," Rukiya smiled. "Besides, I've actually kind of enjoyed being pregnant. Other than all the crap with Shaun and a little morning sickness near the beginning, I've felt pretty good…. Looking forward to meeting the little guy."
"It's a boy?! Are you excited, then?"
"Yeah, I guess I am," Rukiya laughed softly. "I've got the spare room set up for his nursery and I've been thinking about names. Maybe you should look over my list sometime, let me know if I should nix any."
Emery nodded, then stretched and yawned. "Sorry. I'm so tired," she chuckled. "But I'm here for whatever you need – seriously. I was going to try to clear things up between us, but I didn't know if I should apologize or what—"
"No need to apologize," Rukiya interjected.
"Yeah," Emery shrugged. "I want to be close friends again is all I'm trying to say."
"Me too," Rukiya smiled then hugged Emery. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," she replied.
"And you have so much to tell me about your trip!" Rukiya added. "You'll have to come by sometime and tell me everything about how school went and who you met and all the things you got to see in the French countryside... For now, though, I think I'll let you sleep."
Emery nodded and covered another yawn with the back of her hand. "I'll come by tomorrow or something."
"Okay... thanks for listening, Em. I'll see you soon."
Emery came by a few times over the next couple weeks and Rukiya was thrilled to have the company. It was too late in the season for Emery to have much of a garden at her place, so she volunteered to help Rukiya with some of her later season harvests as her pregnancy progressed into the final stages. She was very grateful, since she was getting much more sore and after nearly 10 months, she was ready for this little guy to come out!
Kobe was born in Rukiya's home that fall. Emery came over to find her having contractions and they quickly got Rukiya set up for the birth in the bedroom and called Bridget and Rukiya's midwife. Labour is never easy, but Rukiya was grateful that it wasn't very long and Kobe seemed to have strong little lungs to be screaming so loudly right out of the gate.
Rukiya was exhausted for the next several months, but amazed everyday by her new little man. She loved learning what each expression meant and watching him observe everything. In the moments she was up trying to feed him in the middle of the night, regret sometimes creeped into her mind, but she always dismissed it. Having a child wasn't the right decision for everyone, but it had been for her.
----- ----- -----
Author’s Notes: I do not want this chapter to be viewed as promoting keeping a baby as the only “correct” option; I tried to frame it in a way that readers would be able to see the emotion and practical reasoning behind “Rukiya’s decision.” I hope it comes across in a way that portrays her experience as a character and doesn’t feel as though it is pushing any particular judgment or narrative about pregnancy decisions for real people. I am personally pro-choice and support women’s right to decide what is right for her and her situation.
Comments
Post a Comment